I got a mock up!!!!

For the past month, every time I walk past and alley, I think to myself "Mirror?!?" And then keep walking as my eyes scan down the way. On Saturday I decided to just walk down the alley for no reason at all. I thought, "Mirror?!?!" but let it go. I took maybe twenty five steps and though I saw my reflection in what looked like a white door off on the side of a dumbster. I considered, and said, "What the heck. It looks like a door but I'll see it anyway."  When I got to it.....it was a mirror!!!  A very large long mirror! It was exactly what I have been asking for all month and there it was. It was heavy and not the easiest to get up the stairs but I did.

 I'm so glad that I now have a long large mirror where I can see myself clearly instead of in broken pieces like I had the other creation placed on the wall. 

Hellos

Today I've just been wanting a hello. For someone to see me as I am and then say, Hello, to that. So it made sense when I decided to go to a different coffee shop today to get my tea. The minute I walked in I saw one of my new new co-workers and it all came together. He's a guy, I've noticed before because his appearance is very different. He looks like a "sensitive" but not just that he has fare skin and big eyes. He just looks different on a body level from anyone here. So when I saw him there, I realized that I must have come in here looking for a hello. I don't know if he realizes that he's really able to give them and I know I felt an instant amount of safety to be psychic and possibly give a hello back. It didn't happen but it's ok. 

I got to work early and talked talked talked to myself about what's up with me. My career switch I'm wanting...and have been for three years. The women's clairvoyant program I'm wanting to take but am not sure how that is going to work out. Having to wait for what it is that I want. How there really is nothing wrong and in some weird way...I've set it up this way...cause if I really wanted change...it would just happen. (that body..spirit thing )

Even more ironic is the first page I Stumbled on where the only thing lit up was "Everything is going to be alright." I find humor in that page coming up first! Either a message from me or someone else. None the less.....I know it will be......

That Printer Center job?.......Yeah....no.

I've been working very hard to get things together before I talk with my boss about an opportunity to work in the Print Center. I've talked with three different individuals that have all worked there are well as my H.R. director. I collected information and tried to find a way to organise the chaos which was difficult in it's self. The place has a lot of stuck and unconscious energy and I can see how on could easily become overwelmed and just give up. I persisted and produced a power point presentation to offer him as we speak. It was difficult to create because I kept finding myself almost running into chaos where there was no flow of information. There really is that much change that is just waiting to happen in that space. I knew that I couldn't go to him asking for a job without proper information and explanations. So there was no way to really avoid the current state I am in.

There is not enough money in the budget for a full time staff member in the Print Center at my pay rate.

There is only enough budget for a Manager who already has the skills and then some to work part time. When I heard it come out of his mouth, the first thing I thought was "Do not let this get you down." I still sit here saying this although I can feel my body move through various emotions of grief, glee, relief, and apathy. I suppose the reason I don't want to cry or really let it out is because I don't want to end up stuck in some sad ass picture that says, "I can never get what I want!" or "I'll never get out of here!" It's just not true. I also am just about ready to say, "All that work for nothing!!!". Which I considered that as I was researching but knew that was my option at the time.

Now I sit and wonder, "What do I do now?" There are classes I want to take and nights I need to have free. I hate waiting for something that I want. Still, there is nothing wrong. I know things are moving. I am so thankful for my perspective.

All in all I realize that nothing does not happen for a reason. I also realize that everything that happens in my life is my creation; even the "tragic" stuff. *laughs* I can see just as well that I have changed as I've moved through this week long process. Vouching for a new position in my current company; something I've never done before. I've grown because of it and I can list just a few ways. I believed that I could do something work related.  I showed another side of myself if not my entire being ~ the business side~.  I showed I could take charge and get things in order. For myself, the biggest thing I got out of this experience is I faced what may have appeared as darkness, shun a light, and showed myself what I was capable of doing.

If I can do this......imagine what else I can do........ 

Oh....your stuck? Oh well!

This looks to be my growth period right now. If your stuck, I'm not running in to help you. This is different because usually I'd be there trying to find a solution and putting a lot of my energy in helping. The only thing is, I'd get stuck. No good for me to be stuck in someone else's mess.

So I'm learning how to just notice someone is stuck. I'm not quite at realizing that there is nothing wrong but it just peeks my interest for a moment and then I walk away. Where this is mostly keying in is in growth periods I'm in and one's that I put others in. I usually am handling a lot of what they are handling no matter if I've moved through it a long time ago. When I drop it, I have my space back again.

At the same time, I'm not my growth period. It's just something that's happening. I'm glad. It's about time I learned to stop healing other people all over where ever I go.....

My seventh chakra is wonderful!!

Yesterday I went to healing hour and had a wonderful time.

The biggest thing I walked away with was that there are a lot of people that are scared about if I knew about what was and has been happening in my space. What would happen? Would they die? *laughs* Would they feel like they died? Will they have to leave!?! Yikes!  Thing is they would be kicked the f*^&* out fast. I understand now why I haven't be able to "know" so much what I want In my life and what I need. I see the disconnect. I also notice that there is nothing wrong. I may not fully understand why I've choosen this but it happened because it's what I knew to do at the moment. Now I know I have other options. Like knowing anyway. :)

Just as well, I think I've down played my seventh chakra. It is amazing!!!  It's so big and there is so much power there. So much that people are really scared of me because I know. I'm alright with that. *laughs*  But now is the time to really tap into it's potential.

I'm giving myself permission to just............know.

What about me....! Oh yeah, I'm a giver...

Lately I've really been intune to the amount I give to others.

I've noticed that I will gladly give compliment to people just about anything. This mostly is because I "see" them and I can see the changes that have happened. I note them. Not to really make them feel any different or better but mostly because it is so beautiful that I feel compelled to express it. It makes me feel great. Just as well, I'll eagerly listen, outside of work that is, to conversations about how their life has been. I'm so aware that I can so the energy coming and shift conversation, space, or anything so that there isn't a collision. I'm that good.

Thing is, so much of my energy is directly outward and when I really need someone to give back to me....there is no one really to be found. (in body, in person )  Then all the resentment begins to swell up, but just a little bit, about this and why can't I have it in return.

Thing is, they don't care. Nor did they even ask for it. I just give without warrant and I can tell yeah, I'm sure some people have strongly not welcomed it. It's second nature to me.

Is it working for me is the real question. I'd have to say that it works at times but eventually doesn't.

So as of lately, I've been trying to just keep my mouth shut. Trying not to compliment so much (which for me can be every hour if I had my way *laughs).

I think what this all boils down to is: Giving back to myself more than I give to others...or at least some balance in this aspect. To have more of my energy reflected in myself and to myself.

I know it makes a difference.

-------------Website-------------

I've been having problems with my website for months now.



                                                                     it's getting annoying.


I got my domain with godaddy.com so I thought to try their free website builder but it only gives you five pages. I need a lot more than five pages for my website if I want it to flow in the direction I want it to. Hostgator.com's website builder is just, blah. They don't really handle the tech side of the website builder but you also can't get tech support from site builder because it's a free service through hostgator. Only paid members of sitebuilders can get tech support.

Today, I'm going to try a different computer at work and see if that does the trick. If not, I'll try a computer outside of work at a cafe and see if that does the trick. If not, I'll have them talk me through it. If that doesn't work....I'll just find another host.

I get part of this. I'm trying to makes changes in a business sense. This could effect my finances in a wonderful way. I'm not surprised that it isn't the easiest thing and I know that these websites are all apart of my business growth period. How to create change when others are just in so much resistance to my change because of how it will affect them. Just as well, I have to pull my energy out of the websites that may have accidently gotten stuck.

It's all growth in my eyes (even if it's frustrating! *laughs* )